I never saw God, and I was not in Heaven. It was way out in the suburbs, and these are the things that they showed me. We talked for a long time, about many things, and then I looked at myself. When I saw me, I was glowing, I was radiant. I was becoming beautiful – not nearly as beautiful as them – but I had a certain sparkle that I never had before.

Not being ready to face the earth again, I told them that I wished to be with them forever.  I said "I'm ready, I'm ready to be like you and be here forever.  This is great.  I love it.  I love you.  You're wonderful."  I knew that they loved me and knew everything about me.  I knew that everything was going to be okay from now on.  I asked if I could get rid of my body, which was definitely a hindrance, and become a being like them with the powers they had shown me.  They said: "No, you have to go back."   They explained to me that I was very underdeveloped and that it would be of great benefit to return to my physical existence to learn.  In my human life I would have an opportunity to grow so that the next time I was with them I would be more compatible.   I would need to develop important characteristics to become like them and to be involved with the work that they do.  Responding that I couldn’t go back, I tried to argue with them, and I observed that if I bear that thought – the thought that I might wind up in the pit again – I pled with them to stay.

My friends then said: "Do you think that we expect you to be perfect, after all the love we feel for you, even after you were on earth blaspheming God, and treating everyone around you like dirt?  And this, despite the fact that we were sending people to try and help you, to teach you the truth?  Do you really think we would be apart from you now?"

I asked them: "But what about my own sense of failure? You’ve shown me how I can be better, and I’m sure I can’t live up to that. I’m not that good."

Some of my self-centeredness welled up and I said, "No way.  I'm not going back."  They said, "There are people who care about you; your wife, your children, your mother and father.  You should go back for them.  Your children need your help."  I said.  "You can help them.  If you make me go back there are things that just won't work.  If I go back there and make mistakes I won't be able to stand it because you've shown me I could be more loving and more compassionate and I'll forget.  I'll be mean to someone or I'll do something awful to someone.  I just know it's going to happen because I'm a human being.  I'm going to blow it and I won't be able to stand it.  I'll feel so bad I'll want to kill myself and I can't do that because life is precious.  I might just go catatonic.  So you can't send me back."  They assured me that mistakes are an acceptable part of being human.  "Go," they said, "and make all the mistakes you want.  Mistakes are how you learn."  As long as I tried to do what I knew was right, they said, I would be on the right path.  If I made a mistake, I should fully recognize it as a mistake, then put it behind me and simply try not to make the same mistake again.  The important things is to try one's best, keep one's standards of goodness and truth, and not compromise those to win people's approval.  "But," I said, "mistakes make me feel bad."  They said, "We love you the way you are, mistakes and all.  And you can feel our forgiveness.  You can feel our love any time you want to."  I said, "I don't understand.  How do I do that?"  "Just turn inward," they said.  "Just ask for our love and we'll give it to you if you ask from the heart."

They advised me to recognize it when I made a mistake and to ask for forgiveness. Before I even got the words out of my mouth, I would be forgiven – but, I would have to accept the forgiveness. My belief in the principal of forgiveness must be real, and I would have to know that the forgiveness was given. Confessing, either in public or in private, that I had made a mistake, I should then ask for forgiveness. After that, it would be an insult to them if I didn’t accept the forgiveness. I shouldn’t continue to go around with a sense of guilt, and I should not repeat errors – I should learn from my mistakes.

"But," I said, "how will I know what is the right choice? How will I know what you want me to do?" They replied: "We want you to do what you want to do. That means making choices – and there isn’t necessarily any right choice. There are a spectrum of possibilities, and you should make the best choice you can from those possibilities. If you do that, we will be there helping you."

I didn't give in easily.  I argued that "back there" was full of problems and that here was everything I could possibly want.  I questioned my ability to accomplish anything they would consider important in my world.  They said the world is a beautiful expression of the Supreme Being.  One can find beauty or ugliness depending on what one directs one's mind toward.  They explained that the subtle and complex development of our world was beyond my comprehension, but I would be a suitable instrument for the Creator.  Every part of the creation, they explained, is infinitely interesting because it is a manifestation of the Creator.  A very important opportunity for me would be to explore this world with wonder and enjoyment.  They never gave me a direct mission or purpose.  Could I build a shrine or cathedral for God?  They said those monuments were for humanity.   They wanted me to live my life to love people not things.  I told them I wasn't good enough to represent what I had just experienced with them on a worldly level.  They assured me I would be given appropriate help whenever I might need it.   All I had to do is ask.

The luminous beings, my teachers, were very convincing.  I was also acutely aware that not far away was the Great Being, what I knew to be the Creator.  They never said, "He wants it this way," but that was implied behind everything they said.  I didn't want to argue too much because the Great Entity was so wonderful and so awesome.  The love that was emanated was overwhelming.

Presenting my biggest argument against coming back into the world, I told them that it would break my heart, and I would die, if I had to leave them and their love. Coming back would be so cruel, I said, that I couldn’t stand it. I mentioned that the world was filled with hate and competition, and I didn’t want to return to that maelstrom. I couldn’t bear to leave them.

My friends observed that they had never been apart from me. I explained that I hadn’t been aware of their presence, and if I went back I, again, wouldn’t know they were there. Explaining how to communicate with them, they told me to get myself quiet, inside, and to ask for their love; then that love would come, and I would know they were there.

They said, "You won't be away from us.  We're with you.  We've always been with you.  We always will be right with you all the time."  I said, "But how do I know that?  You tell me that, but when I go back there it's just going to be a nice theory."  They said, "Any time you need us we'll be there for you."  I said, "You mean like you'll just appear?"  They said, "No, no.  We're not going to intervene in your life in any big way unless you need us.  We're just going to be there and you'll feel our presence, you'll feel our love." 

After that explanation I ran out of arguments, and I said I thought I could go back. And, just like that, I was back. Returning to my body, the pain was there, only worse than before.

(Howard Storm’s near-death experience ends here.  Return to life wasn't easy for Howard.  In addition to his physical problems, he had to face the usual array of uncomprehending and insensitive responses to his new spiritual condition.  It began in the hospital, he said.  "I felt this overwhelming sense of love for everyone.  I wanted to hug and kiss everyone, but I couldn't even sit up.  I would say, "Oh you're so beautiful" to anyone and everyone.  I was the joke of the floor.  People found it very amusing". Like other nders, Howard's sense of empathy expanded, as well as his compassion.  He could, he said, feel the emotions of others more powerfully than his own.  Howard decided to enter the Christian ministry after his nde, but he doesn't believe that Christianity is the only important religion.  It was, he said, culturally perfect for me. "I think if I had been a Hindu, let's say, I would have seen a Hindu God.  If God respects me, which He does, then He respects my culture.  I try not to impose my Christianity on other people.  If people have God-like characteristics, a feeling of compassion and living that out, then its ok.  I respond more to behavior than philosophy.  God really doesn't care a fig about theology".)

| Storm index |