blinkstar.gif (494 bytes) The moment of truth

As I found myself at the top of the hill, I saw that over on the horizon and just a little bit lower on the horizon, there was a city.  I realized in some way that this was more than just a city, that what I was seeing actually represented a world.  I wondered, "Was that the world I just came from or the one I am going to?"  I never had a chance to find out because right at that moment, 3 or 4 of the men that were in this group of people over on the hill, came to me and we met.

I said to them "I know what has happened.  I realize that I am dead.  I know what's going on."

One man of the group did all the talking to me. He was quite tall, taller than the rest.  I remember the robe he was wearing was purple. He had a white fringe of hair that went around his head.  The top of his head was bald.  He had an absolute marvelous face. It was very noble, very kind, what we would think of as a very spiritual face.  He also had about him a great deal of authority, so that I felt I was talking to someone that I could trust completely.

When I said to him "I know what's going on.  I know that I have died," he said, "Yes, that's true, but you are not going to be staying here.  It isn't time for you to be here yet."

I must tell you that when we talked, we did not move our mouths.  I can remember that I only had to have the impulse that contained the things that I wanted to say and he would immediately be able to get that and answer me.  Even though he was not moving his mouth when he talked with me, I could hear the sound of his voice in my inner ear.  I know what he sounded like.  It was a mental transmission, yet I could hear what he sounded like. For a long long time, I could remember the sound of his voice.

I said to him again, "Everything that has happened to me since I crossed over is so beautiful.  Everything is so perfect.  What about my sins?"

He said "There are no sins, not the way you think of them on earth.  The only thing that has any meaning here is what you think."

Then he asked me a question. "What is in your heart?"

Then in some incredible way that I don't understand at all, I was able to look deeply inside myself, really into the very core of me to my essence.  I saw that what was there was love, nothing else.  My core was perfect love, loving perfection.  I had complete love and acceptance for everything.  I saw my own gentleness, tenderness, harmlessness.  I simply was perfect and loving.

I said to him "Of course!"  I felt I was connecting with knowledge that I had known before.  I wondered how on earth had I forgotten anything that important.  I have known that.

I said "Can you tell me what everything is all about - the whole world  - everything?"

He said "Yes."

He told me in only three sentences at the most. It was so simple. I understood that immediately.  I had total comprehension of what he was saying to me.  I remember again saying to him "Of course!"  Then there was that feeling again of connecting with knowledge I had once had.  I wondered how on earth did I forget that.

I said to him, "Since I am not going to be able to stay, there are so many people I want to take this back to.  May I take this all back with me?"

He said "You may take the answer to the first question back, the one about sins.  But the answer to the second one, you are not going to be able to remember."

The next thing I knew, there was a tremendous banging in my head.  It was loud, it was fast, and it was extremely irritating.  It went on for just a few seconds - a loud bang, bang, bang, bang.  Then that was over and there was a sort of electronic click in my ear.  I will never forget the sound of that click because I remember thinking that it sounded almost like a tape recorder.  When the click clicked, that was it, I was back and I opened my eyes.  My doctor was standing over me and he was doing something that was extremely uncomfortable.

After the experience, I have never been able to remember the specific two or three sentences I was told.  I have tried and I have tried for years after this experience to make a concerted effort to try, especially after I went to bed at night, when I would be lying there in that not quite asleep state.  And I never could.  Finally, I just stopped trying to do that.  But, I do think I know what he was telling me even though I cannot recall the actual two or three sentences.  I know that it has to do with love.  I believe it has to do with what I was enabled to see when he said, "What is in your heart?"  I looked inside myself and saw that I was perfect love.  Now this does not apply to just me.  It applies to all human beings.  That is what we are.  That is our core.  This love, this perfection, this Godness.  I believe that what it is all about is that the world will keep turning and we will have all these experiences and it will go on forever and ever and ever.  As we bring that into our consciousness and have it remain there all the time, our connection with God will be there, not somewhere in our unconscious.   We will be consciously aware of who we are all the time.  I think that's what the journey is.

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