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| I am so overcome with gratitude and overwhelmed by the love that fills me that I cry. Suddenly, time and space are different again, and I am momentarily aware of my body. I am aware that the window to the left of my bed is filled with vibrant, powerful light. It seems to be calling me and pulling me toward it like a magnet. I hear the buzzing again, and ... Whoosh! Im zooming through the window! I merge with the light! I am the light, and the light is me. "From the light we have come, and to the light we shall all return," repeats the voice. What a joy to bathe in this incredible all-knowing, all-loving... I can travel through walls, ceilings, and space at amazing speed! I visit my son, Philippe, who is only four. A tremendous power moves me. I am boundless, formless, no longer controlled by my emotions. I am everything. Everything is me! Im back in the hospital room. A mist coming from the door facing my bed attracts my attention. In the middle of the vapor is a being with the most heavenly smile. Jean Pierre! It is my cousin, Jean Pierre! I am overwhelmed with joy. As I gaze at Jean Pierre, the hospital room disappears. We are suspended in midair. There are no windows or doors, no ceiling or ground. A brilliant radiance fills all space. He slowly approaches my bed and bends to kiss me. I feel the moisture of his lips on my face, the weight of his body against mine, the gentle touch of his hands on me. Jean Pierre is the brother I never had. After a long and painful battle with lung cancer, he died two years ago when he was only twenty-two. I am still grieving his passing. How wonderful to see him again! And what is this? He is wearing his butterscotch jacket. This jacket has been the subject of many discussions. He loves it; I hate it. "How did you know I was here?" My question is a thought not yet put into words as Jean Pierre answers, "We know everything about you, and we welcome you." Such a warm feeling of peace! I am complete whole! I am free of pain and fear. There is no past or future everything is! There is no need to speak to be understood or to communicate. I feel serenity beyond anything I have ever known. And joy of joys: I can fly! I swirl easily and with great speed around my cousin in a playful way, expressing the ultimate joy that is me. Everything is the way it should be. Never have I felt so clear, so complete, so loved. I gaze at myself: I am whole and healed! I can interact and play with Jean Pierre with my natural vigor. Familiar beings of light are here, too. I immerse myself in their loving presence. Its as if they are protecting me and carrying me. We are all interconnected. I relax into the timeless joy. What a glorious feeling! I want to be here forever. Jean Pierre is gazing at me now as the other beings begin to depart. His dark eyes are filled with great tenderness and purity. He turns to leave with the others, and I plead with him to take me with him. His eyes fill with sadness. "Not now," he responds. "There is much, much work for you. You have to go back and tell them. Life is a precious gift. Each moment is filled with great opportunities. Dont waste your time on Earth. Spread love and understanding. We will always be with you guiding you, protecting you, awaiting the time when we will be reunited when your work on Earth is over." I watch as Jean Pierre dissolves into the same brilliant light with which he had entered. The light is fading away, too. The room is empty now. My grief is intense. I start to cry out of desperation and loneliness. Suddenly, Im back in the hospital in bed. I am fully aware of my surroundings and my physical state of being. Tubes are implanted in my body. The pain is overwhelming. My sadness is intense. I am so weak I cannot speak. I have lost my voice, and the doctors are alarmed by the tears which are using up the strength I need to recuperate. Crying is all I want to do! My body feels like a suit that is too tight; the room is confining; the smell of sickness surprises my senses; the human condition saddens me. "Josianne, youre back!" I recognize my sisters voice. I see her careful gaze. "Youve been in a coma for three days. We didnt know if you were coming back." | Antonette index | |